| same old shit different day |
[26 Feb 2004|12:19pm] |
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mood |
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 crazy |
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music |
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paul oakenfold |
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so sick of the same old shit. nothing new every happens. every day it is some argument with some one. it is never ending drama. it is either things at home or with alina or just some other bull shit. i have a hard enough time not smoking pot and cigs. i guess i am just getting tired and don't want to do anything any more. mabey i am just depressed. ok so i am just rambling. here is what is going on. i am having a hard time because i am tring to quit smoking cigs and not doing a very good job. also i quit smoking pot about 2 weeks ago. i have smoke once seince i quit but i still want to get high all the time. i don't understand why it has to be so fucking hard for me. my parents are a whole nother story. i argue with rebecca every fucking time i talk to her. she is really getting on my nerves. she just thinks i am a fuck up. i am trying really hard to get my life straightened out but i am having a really hard time. all the signs say i should move out again. but when i live on my own i always go back to drugs. i am just confused.
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| back online |
[21 Sep 2003|10:17am] |
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mood |
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 mellow |
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music |
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80's music |
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yeah i now have the internet. it is weird how being online just feels like a whole world is at your finger tips... but you really can't see it untill it is taken away. anyway... i have cable modem. soooo nice. it is awsome. anyways bellingham is good having fun. i work construction now... i install mobile homes. it is prtty cool. all my co-workers smoke pot all the time so the job site is really chill.alina and i are good. life is just good. later.
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| well... it is almost time to depart from vancouver |
[11 Jul 2003|11:44am] |
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mood |
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 excited |
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music |
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NPR |
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I have an apartment... i have moving arangements... i almost have a move in date... i gave my 2-week notic at work.. it is set. it is scary and exciting all at the same time.
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| I have an apartment |
[09 Jul 2003|08:45am] |
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mood |
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 anxious |
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So i went to bellingham looking for jobs and apartments with alina. little did we know that we would rent an apartment and sign a one year lease. crazy. i move out of vancouver in a week. the apartment is so nice. it is big and it has a kitchen with a full size fridge and a gas stove. All the utilities are $40 a month. thats it... the bedroom is pretty big and really nice. but my favorite part is the living room. it is so hill. you all have to come up and see it... the apartment is in the corner of a building so it has a ton of windows. One of them is a nice bay window... i'm so excited. i am also scared cuz vancouver is my comfort zone. but change is good. i am happy!
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| i got a tv |
[26 Jun 2003|05:19pm] |
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mood |
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 happy |
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music |
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the glass shop |
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getting a tv... quite the adventure
so i wanted a tv...
i went to vidio only in jancen beach...
the first tv i looked at i wanted...
alina convinced me that i should look other places...
went to circut city...
couldn't find anything...
went back to vidio only...
couldn't get sevice...
alina and my sister got pissed and walked out...
i stayed and calmly waited like a bitch...
i finally got help after 30 minutes of waiting...
only to find out that the tv i wanted was out of stock...
i was upset...
so i went to toys-r-us...
had fun...
i was determined to find a tv...
so i went to the mall...
went to sears and found a good tv for cheaper...
bought it...
i ended up with a 20 inch flat screen fo $160...
i am happy now.
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| not quite right |
[25 Jun 2003|10:32am] |
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mood |
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 full |
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music |
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classical |
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i'm not sure what is wrong with me but i don't feel quite right. it is not a feeling that is bad enough to do something about but it is always there... it is a feeling that sits in the back of my head and sits there nagging at my brain... things are going alright with alina so it is not that.... i think it is because i am under alot of stress... work, and my parents, and my sister, and my girlfriend, and my friends, and money, and bellingham, and just plain every day life... that right there is enough. i am tired... i haven't been sleeping enough. I just need a break to just rest... everythink is so bittersweet... mabey i should spend some time alone... but if i spend time alone i will just want to be with other people. if i am with people i am going fast and i can't focus on any of my problems... it all comes down to beign out of ballance. I need to ballence my alone time with my scocial time. mabey it would be good for alina and i to spend some time apart? I don't really know what to do... all i know is tht i really am tired and sick of having this feeling i my brain... some time alone to think is just want i need.
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| more friends are good |
[21 Jun 2003|03:05pm] |
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I just got my friend marcee a live journal... her LJ name is MarceeCamp Talk to her add her to your friends... i went to boarding school with her and she lives here in vancouver... she is cool. happy writhing byb.
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| hehe porn star |
[21 Jun 2003|02:45pm] |
| whats an lj | | Magic Number | 10 | | Job | Porn Star | | Personality | The Glass Is Half-Full! | | Temperament | Steely | | Sexual | Whatever, Whenever, Whoever | | Likely To Win | A Home Help Badge | | Me - In A Word | Chinny | | Colour | | | Brought to you by MemeJack |
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[21 Jun 2003|10:05am] |
yeah this is intresting
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| another family argument... |
[21 Jun 2003|09:52am] |
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mood |
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 frustrated |
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music |
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Duran Duran/ save a prayer |
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so alina and i finally got caught.my dad found out that she spent the night last night. he was pissed. then he made it all about other things... he pretty much thinks it is a bad idea to go to bellingham. he thinks that i will regret everything about it... he told me that i am being dumb and that i am thinking with my dick... that pissed me off so much.. it hurt too. i really care about alina... i can tell the difference between my emotions. thinking and my dick. i have been in tharapy seince i was 7. not to mention boarding school. he is just afraid that i will end up like him. he ran away with my mom. she became an alcohalic and commited suiside. fuck him...
on the other hand my mother was just the oposit. she told me that if i want their support that i should just show how i was going to make it. write it out... how much i am going to spend on each thing. and then see if i can support myself on minumum wage. i think that it is a good aproch.. she is generaly mean.but she was very understanding and nice about everything. it was really nice. so i am going to figure out someway to make it work in bellingham... i will write it all out to make my parents happy. i guess i am just hurt by what my dad said this mornning. it is hard to tell if he is being at all realistc or if he is just being pesamistic. wheatever.
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| My job is a joke and everyone knows it... |
[20 Jun 2003|05:39pm] |
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mood |
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anxious |
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music |
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the sound of my fingers on the keyboard |
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there is not enough work for me to do all the time at the shop... i get everything i need to done and i still have time to slack off. then i get scolded for being a slacker... i think when i actualy get a "real" job i need something with alot more structure. mabey some thing with physical labor... i like going home and feeling like i accomplished something... i really don't like retail... i know that much... what do you do when you are not helping people... it is hgard to stay motivated in that kind of environment... i could do a job where it was just dealing with people... like being a tela-marketer or something but that is a constant thing... really structured... i guess the whiole point is that i need structure in a job and i don't have that right now. oh well i will create my own and live with it... i will not be here very much longer anyway.
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| the conclution |
[19 Jun 2003|08:26am] |
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mood |
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 tired |
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music |
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George Acosta |
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So the whole bellingham delema... so what i think i am going to do is go to belling ham... get a full time job and hold off on college for a year... then i will have some moneyu saved up for the next year. then i will go to whatcom the next 2 years and get my associates in arts and science... then move on to western and bet my bachlors in fine arts and take a bunch of phycology classes... from there i might take a year off before attending a school where i can get my masters in art therapy... there are a few choices of schools but the best ones at this point are this one in cali and marylhurst... that is my grand plan... we will see what happens... first thing is first. find a job. i'm just happy to feel resolved.
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| wow... life really sucks right now... |
[18 Jun 2003|11:21am] |
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mood |
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 depressed |
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music |
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keep your heads ringin'/ Dr. Dre |
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so the graduation party sucked... i drank... was sick the whole time... jeff brought annoying people that we stupid and loud... the best part was going on a walk... the other best part was smoking cigs... (yeah it was that bad.)
i finally find love... now i might have to seperate. do i go with alina to bellingham or think about my future. I would like to get in to art therapy... i can get my masters in art therapy right here in portland at marylhurst in just 6 years... i could go to another college and get my bachlors of art and take a bunch of phycology classes. but i really want to be with alina... am i willing to give up love which i might never find again... or do i plan for the future. what if alina and i don't work and i haven't set up my future and i get screwed. What if i never find love and i never have the family that i have alwayes dreamed of.i would marry alina without thinking twice... i don't know what to do... everyone says something different... every one wants me to do something different. i don't know what i want for myself... i hate this
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| Fun Fun Fun... |
[11 Jun 2003|08:25am] |
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mood |
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excited |
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music |
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layla/ eric clapton (electric version) |
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So my parents go out of town again today... i have the whole house to myself from 2:00 wednesday (today) untill sunday afternoon. so... if anyone wants to come over... get away... have a little fun... you are more than welcomed to come chill at my place.
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[06 Jun 2003|01:24pm] |
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mood |
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 hot |
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music |
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bone thugs... thuggish ruggish bone |
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How can anyone be expected to work hard when the weather is like this... for 2 reasons... first of all it is so hot i can't even think much less work... and i just want to be outside... spending time w/ my friends... swimming... anything but sitting around sweating. Ahhhhh, everyone else is probibly out having a good friday afternoon. i am at work... everyone should feel sorry for me...
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